Dear Doritos

Some Crash entries are so unique they deserve extra kudos. We received many whacky (sic) themes from this year's entries, now help decide which of these odd and oddly spirited ads made by you deserve a Nacho Average Ad Award.
-Doritos "Crash the Superbowl" ad-making contest

Dear Doritos,

I was over at Shakesville today and learned that you're hosting a contest!  What fun.  It's great to see you encouraging people to be creative.  I'm sure that your "Nacho Average Ad Awards" have received a lot of terrific submissions.

The spirit of the contest seems to be to have some zany, outside-of-the-box fun, with awards for "Best Glass Shatterer" and "Sweetest 'Stache."  Funky and non-traditional!

Oh, and an award for "Best Supporting Babe."

How very, very traditional.

By "babe," I assume you mean "sexy young woman," since the accompanying image is of a pin-up mudflap sort of shape and there's a separate category for actual babies under "Best Pint-Sized Performer."

You only list eight categories of awards, yet you had to make room for misogyny.  You could have made the eighth category something like "Best Stunt" or "Most Creative Product Shot."  You could have pushed the "wacky" vibe and gone for "Best Use of a Shoe" or "Best Gratuitous Lip-Smacking."  But you went for "Best Semi-Important Hottie."

The most important, interesting role for women, then, is to be sexy.

Men seem to be the default here.  There are awards for pets and infants and "babes," but no role for best dude, best bro, best supporting guy.

The babe is a "supporting" babe, of course.  No main roles for babes here!  Don't take up too much camera time!  The pets, the infants, they might be the star of the show, but we don't want the women to think that they're important, or anything.

What a great award.  Of all of the women who strive to meet the patriarchy's current beauty standard and were shown in Doritos ads but kept largely on the sidelines so they wouldn't get uppity, you were the best.  You were the best!

Sexism.  Misogyny.  Women as secondary, as support.  Women as eye candy.  This is not "unique" or "wacky" or "odd."  This is traditional and old and tired.  We've seen it before, trust us.

With love,
Frank Lee