Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Dear Bic

Dear Bic,

I see that you've a "ball pen essentially for women!"

Essentially for women, you say.  Essentially?
1 : of, relating to, or constituting essence : inherent
 Is this pen made with the essence of women?  What have you put in that ink?
a : of the utmost importance : basic, indispensable, necessary <an essential requirement for admission to college>
Ah, your pen is indispensable to women!  But not to anyone else?  Only to women?  Why would only women find this pen essential?

I suppose that it depends how you define "women."  If you're going with "uterus-owners," maybe this pen doubles as a tampon?  Is it a vaginal contraceptive device?

Maybe you're thinking of women as "those people who do feminine, girly things."  Does the pen have ink at one end and mascara at the other?  Lipstick!  Is there lipstick involved?

Well, let's look at your pen's key benefits:
Retractable ballpoint pen
Medium point: 1.00mm
Fun comfort grip
Modern design
Um.  Those are sort of generic pen facts.  What about this pen is specific to women?  Is it the "fun comfort grip?"  Maybe other pens are less fun, and fun pens are for women only?  Or only women demand to be comfortable!  So pampered!

Maybe it's the modern design!  You know how women are about design!  That's like fashion, right?

I'm really not sure what it is about this pen that makes it a must-have for women while being completely irrelevant to everyone else in the world.  Is the ink pink?  The ink has to be pink, right?

Oh.  The ink is either black or blue.

Those are awfully manly colors, don't you think?

I don't think that I'll be buying any more pens from you until you've gotten your act together.  I'm looking at the pens on my desk, and they're not Bic.  Do you know what their key benefits are?  They're from companies who aren't promoting and profiting from gender essentialism!

Let me know if you ever do get that pen-tampon-vaginal contraceptive device thing worked out, though.

With love,
Frank Lee

No comments:

Post a Comment